When a Crush Becomes a Crutch

Falling in love is one of the most powerful and life-altering experiences a person can have. It reveals undiscovered parts of oneself and opens pathways of hope and possibility. Like a mirror, a love relationship reflects back to us who we are as a person. We can find our best self through the intimate connection with another person. It brings to light our strengths but also shows us our areas of personal growth.

“He/She/They complete me” is a phrase sometimes heard to describe the importance of a relationship. This phrase captures the powerful connection shared between two people. It also presents important questions about ourselves in relation to another. Namely, what is lacking inside of yourself that you find it in another person? And, can one share a life with another person rather than need a life with another person? When relationships serve a purpose of feeling complete, we erode at the intimacy and connection sought in love. We cannot share ourselves fully with another person if we feel incomplete. The significant other becomes a function rather than a person, and the relationship transforms into a need for the other rather than a sharing of a life together.

If you notice these characteristics in your own romantic relationship, it does not mean the relationship is ‘bad’ or destined to fail. Rather, this insight offers an opportunity to understand your feelings of insufficiency and the difficulty of realizing your full potential. Self-confidence, resilience, and the ability to ‘stand on our own two feet’ exist within each and everyone one of us. All we need is help realizing and developing our full potential. When we develop these capacities, we present our true selves to another person. We receive love for who we are rather than what we do and we love for who the other is rather than what they do. Two lives, once independent, share a path and life together. Love comes from a place of wholeness and security rather than emptiness and doubt. Through knowing oneself more fully, the capacity for deeper love and intimacy naturally follows.

If you are interested in learning more or developing this inside of yourself, please feel free to contact me.

Falling in love is wonderful, but elevating in love is transcendent.

Thanks for reading!

-Dr. Dan


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